So I'm sitting here with my feet up on an empty desk in my lovely armchair from my graduated Italian neighbor Andrea. The windows open, sunlight streaming in, cold glass of iced tea next to me, and it's a lovely 78 degrees here, perfect moment in time to wonder where I go from here. I've had one of the most perfect days to end the year with. I'm still here until June 6th but for all practical purposes, the chapter of year 1 at RCNUWC is ending/ended.

I think I lost a piece of me when the second years left. It was the hardest thing I've ever had to do, because every other time I've said goodbye to people, I knew that I would meet them again sometime soon. But to say goodbye to 100 people that have literally shaped my life and the person I am and know that I'll see maybe 5 of them ever again? That was just too rough. This school seems set up for heartbreak. I think that's what they want, they want us to get heartbroken a few times here so we can learn, so we can grow. It's all a part of the experience. They force you to have the best and the worst times here so that you can figure out who you truly are at the equilibrium of those extremes. I've cried more and laughed more in the last year than ever before in my life, and it has started turning me into a young adult, a change that I'm quite happy about. It has just taken a lot to get here, but as my roommate Sara would point out, the best things are never easy. Good things just wouldn't be as good if you didn't have to work and struggle and fight for them.

I'll always remember them. Marcus, for running down the hallway in hiking boots at 6:00 a.m. Inara, for always freaking out about everything at all times. Jon, for being incredibly scarily smart and scaring me with how many languages he knows. Poleo, for not actually caring what people think about him. Ted, for always being pretentious and controversial and a wonderful conversationalist. Juanma, for being the most normal, mature, sensible person I've ever met and for trying to make me sensible as well. Bianka, for always yelling at people who needed to be yelled at. Tiina, for always discussing the EU vs. the U.S. with me and teaching me a lot about the world, even if we didn't always agree. Mattie, for always being the person to go talk to after a crazy party or a dramatic turn in a relationship. Aili, for always being there when I needed a good gossipy girl talk. Andrea Ruscitto, for being big and hairy and Italian and calling himself Tio Andrea when he had heart-to-heart talks with me. Faaez, for being frighteningly articulate. Moshe, for being a little too fiery sometimes and not caring if people knew how he was feeling. Karl Oskar, for always inspiring me to be healthier, kinder, and more grateful. I couldn't ever forget.

These are the people that made this past year the year of my life, the time of change and growing up and depression and joy and learning and struggle and at times, crazy liberal college-student abandon. They've shown me everything that I hope I can one day be. Where they have left off is exactly where I hope we (my coyears and I) will pick up next year. They left us well, and for that, I thank them.

I've realized that this is the adventure of my life. Not all of it, but the beginning of it. I know you always tell me this, Dad, but I've realized that this really is my time. Today alone, I had a crazy conversation with a truck driver on the way to Dale, jumped in the fjord 7 times, layed out in the sun with Raine and Alexandra, laughed out on the rocks with good company, and had some of the best conversations of my life.

This is my life. It is crazy. The world is much smaller now, the possibilities much bigger and much more endless. Everything is much more confusing and scary yet much better. I'm content with fear about the future, because it means that at least it will be interesting. I'm happy here, I'm happy with this year, I'm happy with who I've become, and I'm happy for those that have been there along the way.

Thank you.

So exams are over halfway done and I have to say, I've had a bit of a change of heart since the last posting. Not that anything much has changed, everyone is still strained and stressed and being horrible to each other. It's just that I've always found it pretty hard to be an unhappy person. I really just can't do it. Something good is always happening, it's just a matter of looking for it. I only have Philosophy and Spanish after this weekend so I can pretty much relax...the exams I've had so far have gone as well as I could have hoped for them to go...I'm content with this place, and I'll be happy to go home. This summer has magically worked itself all out, giving me a way to make some money but still do all the travelling that I want. The travelling is working itself out in quite a lovely way as well. That's perhaps one of the best consequences of this place...after being here, the world gets a whole lot smaller and I'm never more than a plane ride away from someone that I love. I kind of get this overwhelming feeling that after being here, I'll be taken care of anywhere in the world. So it's pretty hard to stay cynical when everything just always works out like this :).

Really that long since I posted? Hm. Too much going on.

I've realized that in the time since I posted, lots of things have happened. I've even been in another country. But this is maybe not the time to really get into all of that. Pictures are up on my picture site, as usual, and most people already know about Prague anyway.

I've been studying too much and I think it has just magnified everything that isn't perfect. I feel like all of this studying and stressing about school has just made me scrutinize everything else. Relationships, the future, everything. I'm not sure if I want to be home right now, but I'm not sure I exactly want to stay here, either.

So many relationships are strained because of the isolation and the sheltered nature of this place. One loses perspective. Things that would be brushed off back home are exploded into the end-all, be-all of a friendship. Comments or criticisms mean exponentially more here. We forget to function in ways that our peers back home are. In a way, we grow up a lot here, but in another, we're stunted. Yes, maybe we are all exposed to more cultural understanding, maybe we all grow a lot in a practical sense in that we learn to be independent and to take care of ourselves, but at the same time we all seem to get left behind when it comes to maturity or interpersonal things. We forget how friendships and relationships "in the real world" work. We forget how to handle ourselves in ways that make sense to people outside of this bubble. I wish I could take the people I care about and go somewhere else, somewhere more normal, and just throw it all in perspective. But I can't, and so I fall victim, just as much as everyone else, to the strange workings on this campus.

I have a feeling that after exams are over that this place will become everything I want it to be again. It's just difficult to wait until then, but I'll get back to you next Wednesday after they're all done and update you on how it all turns out.